My Long-Lost Daughter
I admit it, I did not want kid #2. Eric and I disagreed for a long time about having another child and, while it was my personal choice to bear the child or not, it had to be our communal choice to have one. Eventually, I said yes -- all the while worrying what would happen to my body, my sanity, and my relationship with Raina. I love my daughter dearly and I couldn't imagine loving another kid as much. (I know, everyone says that and people say "It'll work out fine!" but I had no confidence.)
It didn't take long for our relationship to change, though. I was pregnant and, therefore, sick, sleepy, uncomfortable, grumpy, and not fun. No longer could Raina sit in my lap, and I couldn't sit on the floor to play with her. Little cuddling, little reading together, little playing -- it should be no surprise that I quickly lost the "favorite parent" status and Eric claimed it.
I sincerely hoped that the situation would be better after Lola was born, but it actually got worse. Because she nursed, Lola continuously was tethered to me. Raina and I tried to do things together while Lola nursed, but it was erratic at best. And with making dinner and diapers and running the house and my back injury, I barely had time for anything or anyone, including my older kid. Mostly, Raina waited for Eric to come home each night so someone would pay attention to her.
And then Eric went away for a week, Raina started MICDS, and school began for me. I expected life to be chaotic (and it has been) but something absolutely joyous happened as a result: I regained a relationship with my daughter. Just spending the extra 30 minutes in the car each day is 30 more minutes than we had before. She and I hang out before school, and I visit her during the school day for a quick hug. We talk with each other, we tease one another, we enjoy one another. For the first time in months, I feel like I am a decent parent to her again, and it is wonderful.
It didn't take long for our relationship to change, though. I was pregnant and, therefore, sick, sleepy, uncomfortable, grumpy, and not fun. No longer could Raina sit in my lap, and I couldn't sit on the floor to play with her. Little cuddling, little reading together, little playing -- it should be no surprise that I quickly lost the "favorite parent" status and Eric claimed it.
I sincerely hoped that the situation would be better after Lola was born, but it actually got worse. Because she nursed, Lola continuously was tethered to me. Raina and I tried to do things together while Lola nursed, but it was erratic at best. And with making dinner and diapers and running the house and my back injury, I barely had time for anything or anyone, including my older kid. Mostly, Raina waited for Eric to come home each night so someone would pay attention to her.
And then Eric went away for a week, Raina started MICDS, and school began for me. I expected life to be chaotic (and it has been) but something absolutely joyous happened as a result: I regained a relationship with my daughter. Just spending the extra 30 minutes in the car each day is 30 more minutes than we had before. She and I hang out before school, and I visit her during the school day for a quick hug. We talk with each other, we tease one another, we enjoy one another. For the first time in months, I feel like I am a decent parent to her again, and it is wonderful.
Comments