Exercise: bringing out the best (and worst) in each other

I, Krystal, am not an athlete.  I’m a klutz, someone who cannot connect eye-hand-body coordination to do anything like hit, kick, or shoot a ball.  I joke that I became a runner because it only involves going in a straight line but, let’s be honest, I still occasionally fall down when I run.  Again, I’m not an athlete.

With that said, exercising is one of my absolute most favorite things.  I love how I feel when in motion: my heart pumping, endorphins flooding my bloodstream, muscles straining to accomplish my next task. Some folx self-care through naps, mani/pedis, alcohol; I self-care through exercise.  I pride myself on my newest weight-lifting accomplishment – I’m upping my deadlift again, yes! – and it is absolutely amazing to head out for new adventures knowing that my body has the strength to carry me there.  This is my body; it’s the relationship I have had for the longest, and we’re together for the long-haul. 

I also absolutely despise fitspo culture: glamour shots of a particular body part, articles about how to slim down to be sexy for others, etc.  Yuck!  This message of “you’re not good enough,” comparison to others, and establishing one’s own value by someone else’s standards is abhorrent to me.  Unfortunately, this mindset appears each time I join a new gym.  It should be that I give them money; they provide me exercise services.  That’s how the exchange should work.  Unfortunately, their exercise services often come with baggage.

Once, when concluding a mandatory fitness evaluation, the trainer told me “You’re bottom heavy.  You can fix that by losing some weight and doing exercises to specifically target slimming down your hips, legs, and glutes.”  In disgust, I replied “I also could concentrate on getting stronger shoulders, pecs, and arms.  Would I look more balanced to you then?”  She looked appalled by my reply, which was fair because I was appalled by her initial statement.

A different exchange:

Trainer: What are your fitness goals?

KSW: I want to be healthy.  I want to be stronger.  I want to avoid injury.  I want to still be able to exercise when I’m older.

Trainer: (eyebrow raise) You could lose a few pounds.  Do you want to lose weight?  Are you happy with your body right now?

KSW: (barely disguised fury) I already stated my fitness goals.  YOU could lose a few pounds though.  Do you want to lose weight?  Are you happy with your body right now?  [pause] Do you understand how hurtful those comments are? Why would you say that to someone else?

Let’s be clear.  With my height of 5’8”, the “healthy” range of weight is 125 to 163 pounds.  I weighed 130 when told that I could “lose a few pounds.”  It was an insulting comment to receive, regardless of my weight, and I’m sure that it’s given to many people coming through their facility.  [The comment wasn’t given to my husband, though, so there’s that gender comparison to make.] What bothers me most about the exchange, though, is that it sets up exercise and being healthy as worthless compared to exercise to make oneself physically look a certain way for others’ viewing.  That mindset just tears people down.  It’s so hard to take the first step to start an exercise routine, and it’s even harder when people make you feel terrible for crossing the threshold. 

A few years back, my sister began attending a group fitness class which is run by a personal trainer.  She encouraged me to come for a long time and I kept saying no, mostly because I’ve been repeatedly burned by this negative vibe from trainers.  Last August, though, I committed to joining her for 12 sessions to see what she liked so much about it.  I figured it out instantly.  Eric Grossman had a mentality of doing exercises to get stronger, to be confident in actions that one’s body might take, and he had no regard whatsoever in how the person looked.  Once, I asked him whether he’d encourage me to lose weight through his class.  His frank reply was exactly right: “Weight is 90% based on what you eat and only 10% exercise.  You’re not going to lose weight in this class and you shouldn’t expect to.  Your clothes might fit differently but that’s it.  You’re going to get stronger in this class and you’ll move more confidently.  That’s what you’re working toward, that’s what we’re building together.”  I was sold.  I’ve been attending his training sessions twice a week since August 2018 and I absolutely love it. 

If you attend an exercise class with me, I’m not judging you -- I’m excited for you! I’m cheering you on, literally high-fiving you after each accomplishment, and recognizing you for pushing hard. We’re doing something awesome together and it should be celebrated.  That’s how it should be in a gym: supporting others positively as we navigate our own journeys, trying to bring out the best in ourselves and others.  Try exercising with that mentality and see how it feels for you.  I commend you for trying it out!

Side note: I hiked with a weighted pack during our most recent vacation; my legs never got tired and my back never hurt.  I 100% credit that leg and core strength to weight training with Eric Grossman this past year.  He wasn’t kidding about getting stronger and moving more confidently.

Second side note: July's monthly theme at the Ethical Society was “bring out the best.”  This post is inspired by thinking about that theme.