Sex Ed in Unexpected Places

Raina had a 5th grade bowling party tonight, which was filled with excited kids, cosmic disco lights, and loud pop music.  The Maroon 5 song “Sugar” was playing as we left, and then it came on the radio again as we drove home.  Raina sang along and then said “I wish I knew all the words to this song.”  Admittedly, I had not listened to the words much before – Raina had to tell me the song was called “Sugar,” for instance – so I wasn’t much help.  But I listened carefully to the chorus, heard statements about “needing your love” and I suspected the closing line was “….down on me.”  I listened to the chorus and became pretty confident about that line in particular.

So I told Raina that’s what I thought the line was.  She paused, thought, and asked, “What does that mean?”

Well, there’s only one reference that makes sense here.  Clearly the song is about sex and I suspected it is about oral sex based on the wording.  (I’m not fully confident now that I’ve read the full lyrics, but it was what I thought at the time.)  So that’s what I said.

KSW: “Go down on me” is a phrase people use that means they want to have oral sex.

Raina: Uh, I know what sex is.  What does oral sex mean?

KSW: Oral sex is when a person puts his mouth on another person’s genitals.

Raina: EW, GROSS!  Why would anyone do that?

KSW: It is a little gross.  But lots of people have oral sex because it feels good.  … There are lots of ways to have sex and people should do what makes them happy.

Raina: Sometimes you ask for information and then you find out you didn’t really want the answer. 

I had to laugh -- she’s absolutely right – and then I told her this story:

When I was 5 years old or so, I loved to go out on my backyard swing set and swing, swing, swing.  About that same time, John Anderson released the song “Swingin” and I LOVED to sing this song while on the swing set.  My mom was horrified; she forbade me from singing the song, but she refused to tell me why it was bad.  I knew she thought “swingin” was bad, but “swinging” was fine -- she didn’t object to my being on the swing set – so, for the longest time, I thought she objected to the grammar.  It wasn’t until I was older and heard the word “swingin” in context that I knew exactly what the big deal was about. 

Raina found this story to be hilarious.  It is pretty funny, and it’s also rather sad.  My mom had a chance to share some information and help normalize a topic, but she clearly wasn’t ready to have her first sex talk with 5 year old Krystal. 

I don’t remember when I had my first sex talk with Raina, but it was a long time ago.  My hope is that being direct and honest with her at all times will keep our communication lines open during times when she might have questions and, also, show her that sex is not taboo.  I want to arm her with knowledge and power so that she understands what she’s getting into when she eventually becomes sexually active.  I want her to know and love her body, to know and love what her body can do, and, honestly, I don’t trust that positive messaging to come through in sex education class.  So, just like all the conservative pundits say, sex ed should start in the home.  Sex ed just starts really early in the Whompton home.  J